A sober asshole is still an asshole.

I used to be a drunken asshole. Now I'm just an asshole. The thing that probably sucks the most about getting sober is that in some ways, I'm actually worse. Here are a few examples:

I still don't want to talk to you. 

It's not you -- it's me. I hate the phone. I'm notorious for hating the phone. I don't hate you, I just hate talking on the phone. I don't know why, so don't ask. It just IS. Why ask why? 

When I was drunk, you heard me in the background after someone else answered your call. I was the one tactfully screaming, "HANG UP!" Which is weird, because when I was drunk, I was also the one calling you at 3:00 AM to tell you what I really think of you. Now I dont even do that. 

I still procrastinate FOREVER. 

Now that I'm sober, I'm still finding reasons not to file my taxes from 1992. It used to because I was too drunk. Now I'm too sober. 

I'm still an introvert. 

Wanna get together? Sure, let me just check my calendar. It looks like I may have "never" free -- would that work for you?  I'll pencil you in. 

In fact, the only time I'm outgoing is when I'm smashed. I like seeing people then, because I'm endlessly witty and charming at those times. 

I still drive like an asshole. 

It's true. Someone actually said to me the other day that they thought I drove better when I was drunk. Not funny.

Granted, I'm exponentially less likely to kill someone while driving now. And if I end up in jail it won't be for DUI. So there's that... 

I'm still a slob. 

I used to pass out before starting the dishwasher. Now I just pass out before starting the dishwasher. 

Point is, none of my wonderful personality traits are gone now that I'm all blissfully sober & shit.