Trigger Happy

So I'm sitting in the meeting last night, listening to some guy drone on and on about his "triggers," an extensive list of people, places and things he has to avoid because they make him want to drink. Fair enough, I suppose, but I'm not a big fan of the trigger theory. 

Things that trigger my drinking include: 
Kim Kardashian's fat ass...

Here's why: Everything is kind of a trigger for me. Being alone makes me want to drink. Being around other people makes me want to drink. Being happy makes me want to drink. Being sad makes me want to drink. 

Celebrating? I'll drink to that. Friday night? Perfect time to drink. Monday morning? I'll just take the edge off before heading to work. Up? Drink. Down? Drink. Inside out, upside down, spin your partner round and round, drink, drink, drink. Hell, usually AA makes me want a drink.

...Getting up in the morning...

One of the first bits of sage advice I heard when I quit drinking was to avoid my "triggering events." Really? Like, I dunno, waking up in the morning? Sitting in my living room? Going to another fucking AA meeting? You guessed it: Trigger, trigger, trigger. 

This tree...

Here's a question: Is any one thing a trigger when everything is a trigger? 

I'll leave it to greater minds to ponder, but in the meantime I don't see the point in even listing my triggers, much less trying to avoid them. Because if I started to avoid them all, I would never do anything.