Prince Charming I'm Not

Not Prince Charming.

I know we're all supposed to find a new lease on life when we break the shackles of addiction and walk in the newfound light of our sobriety, but it doesn't always feel that way to me. 

For example, it doesn't necessarily help that I'm sober when, despite my winning personality and naturally sunny disposition, all I can seem to do is piss people off. I naively assumed that giving up all my bad habits would somehow make me nicer, but no. 

Nor has being sober turned my current dead end, low-paying job into one of those rewarding careers with "exciting opportunities for professional growth and personal satisfaction." The pay still sucks, and it still bores the shit out of me. 

Still not.

Quitting booze hasn't given me any new health & vigor that I've noticed, hasn't brought new color to my cheeks, hasn't put a new spring in my step, and hasn't melted away the extra pounds. 

Being sober these last months hasn't brought any particular new depth and intimacy to my personal relationships, or improved my social skills, or made me a better conversationalist. 

I thought this was supposed to make me a better person, and I suppose it has. (It has, okay? Even I can see that.) 

But you'll forgive me if there are times, like now, on a day that feels like another pointless spin on the hamster wheel of life, when I'm just not feeling the exuberant joy of sobriety. 

Nope, still not.

The fact that it has been 216 days since my last drink (and 9 days since my last cigarette) hasn't exactly turned me into Prince Charming, just sayin'.