This leaves me to AA, with whom I have a love/hate relationship even on the best of days. It's okay, but with all the talk of God, higher powers and whatnot there are days when I break out in hives. I'm not lying when I say there are times when I leave an AA meeting wanting to drink more than when I walked in. (Here are just a few of the reasons why.)
Nevertheless, it's the only game in town and I still go when I need to. Why? Because there's a lot to be said for simply being around others who know what it means to quit an addiction. In the interest of providing helpful tips on your own recovery, Dear Reader, I've compiled this list of helpful AA Survival Tips for the New and Ungodly. You're welcome.
1. Don't be a stranger. If you're an introvert like me, it's easy to stay in your shell and hope that no one approaches you. This is the worst thing that can happen. I've actually started with new groups only to sit there day after day wrapped in my own cocoon of aloof silence, radiating waves of "Stay the fuck away from me." It took me awhile to realize that this completely defeats the purpose of going at all. Take the lead and introduce yourself. Yes, yes, I know your shy, but you're not a toddler at your first day of preschool. You can do this.
2. Don't judge. I can't overemphasize this point enough, even though I struggle with it myself. Do yourself a favor and just accept the people in that room for who they are at that moment: Others who are facing the same struggle you are. As such, their stories and experiences can help you on your own path.
3. Shop around. Despite the somewhat ritualized nature of AA meetings, not all groups are the same. Each has its own mix of people and some groups are a better fit than others. I tried several groups and times in my area and finally found two that didn't make me want to run from the room shrieking.
4. You don't have to agree with everything. I know this is heresy, but it's perfectly okay to question the AA dogma. You're likely to hear all kinds of things stated as absolute fact -- that you must complete the entire 12-step program, for example, or that you must turn your struggle over to god. These things may be true for many people, but they are not true for all people. Don't get hung up on it. Take the parts that work for you, and let others do the same.
5. About that Higher Power. Look, I'm an unapologetic atheist. The god-talk you'll hear in the average AA meeting can be like nails on a chalkboard to us nonbelievers. Again, don't get hung up on it too much. Most of us have some sense of our better natures. Maybe your "higher power" is that stable, competent, functioning person you can envision and know, deep down inside, that you're capable of being. Go with that.
6. Try a sponsor. (I'll admit I'm not a good "sponsee.") I'm not one to pick up the phone just to chat with friends and family, much less someone I barely know. That said, AA sponsors are good people who are willing to selflessly make themselves available to people they barely know, and they get credit for that in my book. They've been sober longer than you have, and it can be very helpful to have someone to call when you're sitting in your car jonesin' for your next drink. And who knows? There might be a new friendship there in the making.
6. Try a sponsor. (I'll admit I'm not a good "sponsee.") I'm not one to pick up the phone just to chat with friends and family, much less someone I barely know. That said, AA sponsors are good people who are willing to selflessly make themselves available to people they barely know, and they get credit for that in my book. They've been sober longer than you have, and it can be very helpful to have someone to call when you're sitting in your car jonesin' for your next drink. And who knows? There might be a new friendship there in the making.
6. Try the coffee. It's no Starbucks, but it's usually not terrible either.
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